Unresolved Hurts and Disappointments
All Christians, at one time or another, will face the reality of hurts and disappointments. Our response to them is really the key issue. They can either make us bitter or better. In the church, many hurts are the result of being offended with another member of the body of Christ. I know, from my own experience, that unresolved hurts and disappointments are like an unhealed wound, very sensitive to the touch. Just as a physical wound can be hurt by bumping into it, so an emotional wound can be reopened by normal interaction with other people. If we are hurt by another’s words, it is likely because we still have an open wound from a previous incident. Only forgiveness brings closure to these types of hurts.
It is recorded in scripture that Jesus, Himself, offended many people. The great physician came to heal the broken hearted and to bind up their wounds. Just as a doctor can discover painful areas in our body during an examination, so Jesus wants to reveal painful areas in our lives for the purpose of healing them. It is possible to misinterpret what is going on when these things come to the surface.
Jesus’ disciples were seemingly embarrassed that the Pharisees were offended at His words.
Matt 11:6 ”And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me."
Matt 15:12 Then His disciples came and said to Him, "Do You know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this saying?" NKJV
The Pharisees thought they were exposing a fault in Jesus because He and His followers were eating corn while in the field. They believed a man was defiled if he ate without first washing his hands. Jesus made it clear that a man was defiled by the words that proceeded out of his mouth, not by the food that went in to it. By this response Jesus not only corrected the belief of the Pharisees but exposed their evil intentions to discredit Him. Jesus used their accusation to reveal their own ignorance and, in the process, caused them great embarrassment. Had their question come from someone who was teachable, and with honest intentions, I am sure Jesus’ response would not have offended them.
Jesus’ own followers were offended at Him on more than one occasion.
Mark 14:27 Then Jesus said to them, "All of you will be made to stumble because of Me this night, for it is written:
'I will strike the Shepherd,
And the sheep will be scattered.'
Mark 14:29 Peter said to Him, "Even if all are made to stumble, yet I will not be."
30 Jesus said to him, "Assuredly, I say to you that today, even this night, before the rooster crows twice, you will deny Me three times." NKJV
Peter was sure that he would never be offended, or stumble, concerning his association with the Lord. It is easier said than done; we only know our own hearts when the test comes. When God tests us it is not for His benefit but for ours. Peter witnessed Jesus’ might and power over sickness and disease”: even the wind and the waves obeyed His voice. Suddenly, it appeared, He had lost it all. Their champion had cast out devils and even raised the dead; now He was allowing simple men to order Him around and spit in His face. Previously Jesus had confounded them with His words and amazed them with His wisdom.
John 7:44-46 Now some of them wanted to take Him, but no one laid hands on Him.
45 Then the officers came to the chief priests and Pharisees, who said to them, "Why have you not brought Him?" 46 The officers answered, "No man ever spoke like this Man!" NKJV
These officers were sent out to gather evidence of wrong doing and to arrest Jesus and bring Him in. They were so overwhelmed by the authority of His words that they felt they dare not try anything against Him. On other occasions some asked Him questions hoping to catch Him off guard or to cause Him to contradict Himself, but they were not successful. In fact, they were afraid to ask any more questions lest they look even more foolish.
When the time appointed of the Father had come, Jesus changed His mode of operation, so to speak. Suddenly it was as if Jesus’ closest followers had wakened from a dream. He was no longer the powerful, wise King they had known. Peter was ready to chop heads in defense of Jesus when they came to arrest Him, but now things had taken a strange turn. The powerful lion of the tribe of Judah had become a weak and helpless lamb. Peter and the others that had walked close to Jesus were now backing away, not wanting to be associated with Him.
Peter was put on the spot and questioned concerning his association with Jesus: he denied ever knowing Him. His denial, in a sense, may have been truth. This was not the same Jesus he had been with for over three years. Peter had no problem identifying with the powerful Jesus but when He became like a lamb, that did not open His mouth to save His own hide, Peter may have felt ashamed of Him. How many of us would rather be associated with a popular and powerful minister than one who had been taken prisoner and put on death row for preaching the gospel? It is very likely that Peter did not want to be associated with Jesus in His time of weakness because he did not understand the battle plan of the Lord. God can use what appears to be defeat to win a great victory.
The apostle Paul was beset with weakness that the power of God might rest on his ministry.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong. NKJV
As we minister, as representatives of Christ, it appears there is a healthy tension between the ministry of The Lion and the ministry of The Lamb. So that men do not follow after the power of God more than the God of power, it is necessary that Christ’s ministers suffer various distresses and weaknesses, at times. It is also a safeguard against pride for those who minister the power of God.
Peter’s hurts and disappointments did not go unresolved. Even though he thought it was all over, and decided to go back to fishing, he was probably tormented in his mind. I can imagine Jesus’ words ringing continually in his ears: “before the cock crows twice you shall have denied Me three times.” Peter then saying to himself: “I am a failure and Jesus knew it all the time; what good was it to follow Him around all those years just to end up like this?”
God knows our weakness but will continue to pursue us to get us back on road to fulfilling our call and destiny. Peter had been passionate about walking with Jesus but that flame had been strangely snuffed out by hurt and disappointment. After the resurrection, Jesus came to Peter and John while they were out fishing. (See John 21) Jesus pursues Peter with the intention of restoring his confidence in who he was called to be. Though Peter had denied knowing Jesus, he had learned a valuable lesson.
We must also learn from our failures, disappointments and hurts and not allow them to take us off the mission field. No matter what we have done to fail the Lord, or what others have done to disappoint us, we dare not allow those things to send us back to where we were before we met the Lord or heard His call to come and follow. Like Peter or Paul, we can expect conflict and hardship to be part of our Christian walk.
The passion of the Lord Jesus was demonstrated primarily when He suffered and died on the cross for our sins. Saul’s great passion was a misdirected zeal for God but when he encountered Jesus on the Damascus road, he was dramatically changed. Even his name was changed to Paul and, thereafter, God showed him the things that he would suffer for the sake of Christ. I used to think he was getting paid back for all the pain he had caused, but I realized, later, that Jesus was allowing Paul to share in His sufferings at the hands of sinners. Without experiencing these sufferings, Paul would not have truly known the heart of God.
Knowing Jesus, and having the ability to identify fully with Him, requires that we be partakers in His sufferings. If ever anyone suffered rejection, it was Jesus. He was the stone that the builders rejected. He came to His own people but they rejected Him as an imposter. If ever there was a case for disappointment and hurt it was Jesus. But to those who received Him, He gave the power to become the children of God.
2 Tim 2:8 Remember that Jesus Christ, of the seed of David, was raised from the dead according to my gospel, 9 for which I suffer trouble as an evildoer, even to the point of chains; but the word of God is not chained. 10 Therefore I endure all things for the sake of the elect, that they also may obtain the salvation which is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory.
11 This is a faithful saying:
For if we died with Him,
We shall also live with Him.
12 If we endure,
We shall also reign with Him.
If we deny Him,
He also will deny us.
13 If we are faithless,
He remains faithful;
He cannot deny Himself. NKJV
We must not allow hurts or disappointments to kill our passion. On the other hand, we must understand that the passion of the Lord can be painful and can include hurts and disappointments. We must discern if we are suffering for our faith and walk with Christ or if it is for our own faults, including unhealed wounds.
1 Peter 2:20 For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God. 21 For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: NKJV
There is no reward in suffering from unhealed wounds or unresolved disappointments; we have been called and appointed to suffer for the righteous cause of Christ. Walking in His steps will lead us there, but our reward will be great in heaven.
Matt 5:11 "Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. 12 Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. NKJV
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